In the DUMPS

As I drank my way into 2012 on NYE, I had a lot of optimism for the new year.  This was going to be my year!  It was going to be my year after I spent all of 2011 re-building several areas of my life.  As of March 8, 2012 - it's hardly been my year.

After two weeks of feeling very hopeless, unhappy, sad, (you name it), I realized that yes, I'm depressed again.  Hate dealing with depression.  Have been treated for it in the past and achieved positive results.  This time just seems more awful than ever.

Everything is weighing me down all at once.  My car needs to be registered in Massachusetts now (was in CT, long story, issue with grandparents estate etc.).  Since I live in a "high risk" neighborhood as the insurance agent said, my yearly car insurance will be $2,200!  No that is not a typo . . . $2,200!  I'm fucking unemployed!  That's $183 a month!

Found out on Tuesday night that I cannot extend my lease past July 1, 2012 because my landlord is going to gut and renovate the apartment for two months.  So I need to move.  Who the fuck is going to rent to an unemployed guy with a dog and no job?  The only good out of this is hopefully my new neighborhood will result in cheaper car insurance.  If this doesn't work out I'll be moving back to CT to live with my parents . . . at age 32.  FUCK MY LIFE!

And to top if off again . . . I have no health insurance.  COBRA is wicked expensive ($6,800!).  I'm waiting to see if I qualify for this subsidized insurance for unemployed people in Mass.  According to my calculations I don't (getting paid commission messed up a lot of things! another blog post!) but I'm crossing my fingers that I do.  Last night I walked into CVS to pick up my prescription.  It is necessary for me to live. . . seriously.  Knew it would be expensive, was willing to fork over $200 for it just for this month until I'm insured again.  Prescription gets rung up . . . $667!  I politely told the woman to keep it and walked out the door.

Thank god I have a few pills left over from a lower dose a few months ago.  My doctor is writing me a 10 day prescription that I will pay for and hope it gets me through until insurance begins.

Moral of the story to those who think unemployment programs are lucrative and generous - They're NOT.  And if you're a middle class guy like me you get stuck in the middle between programs using federal poverty guidelines and what the government thinks is a lucrative salary. (High $50k in Boston isn't anything but lucrative).

Some reading may say - get a job!  Gladly take one!  But their aren't any . . . the politicians and Wall St. will have you think the economy is on the rebound.  It's not rebounding on main st.  30 resumes sent out so far, no bites or call backs.  No response to follow up calls.

"God doesn't give you more than you can't handle.  I just wish God didn't trust me so much" - My grandmother.  Memere, send help.  I need it!