The past few days have provided me with a vast array of uncomfortable feelings and tremendous anxiety. It's hard for me to describe these feelings so I'll try my best here.
Lets start with the anxiety. Part of its due to this waiting game I'm in when it comes to this job I'm a finalist for. I was suppose to know by now. I'm an impatient little fucker! I really look at the next step in my career in many ways as a life changer/mover and I'm very ready to get moving. Friday was a day long anxiety attack as I sat in my office thinking about if I'd get a phone call or not. I'm ADHD as it is, so add some anxiety to it and I'm bouncing in my desk chair, making calls, typing emails, and chatting on AIM at the same time.
The anxiety is also tied to last weekends fun. Men always make me anxious and then I let it control me. Hence why I'm single.
Seriously though, I just don't so well with constant anxiety. It drains me. The good thing, I did make it to the gym today and well 5 times this entire week. This has been a good way to reduce my anxiety. I'm proud of myself and pleased with the results. I've lost some weight and seen some increased definition. I'm looking forward to going tomorrow morning.
As for the uncomfortable feelings. I'm feeling sad and for what reason I am not sure. I'm not in the dumps, lord knows its the pits when I am. But yeah, sad. I mean my life is pretty good. Am I looking for more, sure, aren't we all? Life could be worse. I wonder if its really just me being insecure. Even with my gym bunny-esque mentality as of late I have been feeling pretty insecure about myself. I am my worst enemy 99.9% of the time and can be down right nasty toward myself. Mitch, SAM, Foxi, and Maxi will all agree with me here.
Perhaps its due to lack of sleep too. That can fuck me up. I dunno, I'm rambling now. Sleepy time!