Ugh... I'm writing this post drunk . . . the first time for this blog.
You know what... I'm sick of gay men. I text'd messaged my best friend tonight and said that I hated myself for being gay. WOW! I haven't said that to myself since I was an undergrad and like wicked in the closet. I mean of course I like men but I do feel like I scare them away. I like end up finding men who like me but just can't seem to commit or articulate their feelings. And its like "um, yeah, I understand you're figuring things out but I cant be your Ginnie pig. I have feelings too and have dealt with my issues.".... ok, I've dealt with the majority of the closet issues that keep a 'mo from achieving something beyond a crush.
Its soo frustrating because it really makes me be like "wow, the gay community or the dating pool keeps getting smaller and smaller." Now don't get me wrong, I love all my gay brothers regardless of where they are on their journey out of the closet. But it just sucks because I feel like I can't seem to find anyone to doesn't have tons of closet issues. ARGH!
Now you may be thinking "wow, he's had a bad week or a guy mess him up recently".... no, that is not it . . . I think its a combination of shit.... and I don't like it either. . . why as gay people do we feel so compelled to look only for those men who meet a certain standard... like the one in a magazine... I mean cuz lets be honest . . .how many of us end up hooking up with that air brushed model on the cover of the magazine? Ummmm like 1 in million . . .but boy do we hold bitches to that standard.... why? I totally have seen hot guys like that . . .but then I see what would be your average guy . . . not air brushed . . and I'm like . ."wow . . .he is just naturally hot.. .and then he starts talkin . . . and he's smart . . . and dam" . . . smart men . . .or articulate men . . . so fuckin hot! mmmmm!
So um if Boston is the Athens of American than I totally must not be anywhere near the "Forum"... cuz I'm just not seeing it....
ARGH . . . I really hate feeling this way because I'm much more positive than this . . . ARGH!!!