No, I'm not chugging beer . . . just chugging a long and doing my own thing.
As I noted in my blog the other day, I had another meltdown on Saturday. Well, I haven't been the same since.
I feel really crappy, sad, down in the dumps, hopeless, and very negative. And I hate all of this too! My life isn't suppose to be like or feel like this at all. No one's is. It makes me sad because a lot of great things have happened to me/for me this year and will continue, but I only seem to be able to focus on turning them negative or totally dismiss them.
To top it off, I'm not sleeping at all. And when I don't sleep, these "moods" or "inner demons" as my friends call them have a prime breeding ground. I struggle to get to bed . . . finally yawn around 1am . . . toss and turn . . .and then the alarm clock goes off at 7 for work. So, I actually ironed my clothes tonight and have myself set for work tomorrow - all done now . . . something I never do . . . so I'll get up at 7:30.
I need to take care of myself and thats really what I've been working on doing . . . but sleep needs to happen! ARGH!
The good things - 1.) I've gone to the gym the past 3 nights . . . it always helps . . . I'm wicked sore and I fucking love it, 2.) Been chattin with friends just about everything, keeping myself distracted. My bro has called me every day this week. I swear, he sees right through me. Must be that twin intuition. He says to me today "yeah, I knew something was up..."
This demon bout, funk, storm clouds etc., whatever you wanna call it is temporary...This I know, its just so crappy. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning. Maybe I'll ask for some sleep med or something, even an over the counter suggestion. I just want to get back to 7/8 hours of sleep so I can bring back the sanity.
Oh baby, I feel a yawn coming on!