Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Chugging Along


No, I'm not chugging beer . . . just chugging a long and doing my own thing.

As I noted in my blog the other day, I had another meltdown on Saturday.  Well, I haven't been the same since.

I feel really crappy, sad, down in the dumps, hopeless, and very negative.  And I hate all of this too!  My life isn't suppose to be like or feel like this at all.  No one's is.  It makes me sad because a lot of great things have happened to me/for me this year and will continue, but I only seem to be able to focus on turning them negative or totally dismiss them.

To top it off, I'm not sleeping at all.  And when I don't sleep, these "moods" or "inner demons" as my friends call them have a prime breeding ground.  I struggle to get to bed . . . finally yawn around 1am . . . toss and turn . . .and then the alarm clock goes off at 7 for work.  So, I actually ironed my clothes tonight and have myself set for work tomorrow - all done now . . . something I never do . . . so I'll get up at 7:30.

I need to take care of myself and thats really what I've been working on doing . . . but sleep needs to happen!  ARGH!

The good things - 1.) I've gone to the gym the past 3 nights . . . it always helps . . . I'm wicked sore and I fucking love it, 2.) Been chattin with friends just about everything, keeping myself distracted.  My bro has called me every day this week.  I swear, he sees right through me.  Must be that twin intuition.  He says to me today "yeah, I knew something was up..."

This demon bout, funk, storm clouds etc., whatever you wanna call it is temporary...This I know, its just so crappy.  I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning.  Maybe I'll ask for some sleep med or something, even an over the counter suggestion.  I just want to get back to 7/8 hours of sleep so I can bring back the sanity.

Oh baby, I feel a yawn coming on! 

1 comment:

Rob said...

I feel very in sync with you on this whole anxiety/not being able to sleep thing. Ugh. I hate it. We need to deal with this together. Fight the demons.